Showing posts with label ebudae. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ebudae. Show all posts

Monday, May 29, 2017

Dralin, Chapter 1, new

New Chapter 1

As my writing has improved over the years, I've gone back over some of my earlier works to improve them.  In "Dralin", I removed the story of how Pelya's parents met because reviews showed me that readers gained a false impression of what the story would be.  Many didn't get past that to the true story.

However, when I removed that part and adjusted everything to account for its absence, the new beginning point felt weak.  While writing a battle scene in one of my later books, I came up with this idea for a new chapter 1 for Dralin that would be a better introduction to my writing for new readers.

It also introduces Kally Nevala, a character that appears later in the book.  It shows off some of Bobbell's skills and how his training benefited Pelya later in life.  The other characters brought in are Grinkin, Florsy, and Clutz.  Those three make an appearance in the second book, "Ebudae".  I thought it would be nice to show more of them to the reader.

The book will be updated in the next couple of weeks, but for now, enjoy!


Chapter 1


Frath avoided a puddle of corrupted magic as he peered around the corner.  Violet illumination from Ryallon’s two moons peeked through rainclouds to aid the feeble light of streetlamps.  Tilted wizard towers flanking the shadowy street faded into mist tarnished by mystical undertakings of the occupants.  Moisture trickling down the wall Frath had his gloved hand against also carried the taint of supernatural pollution.
The only person on the street was a hooded man carrying a bound boy over his shoulder.  He scanned the street in both directions.
Frath pulled back to avoid detection.  He held up a hand in warning.
Lieutenant Kally Nevala gulped audibly.  She clenched the hilt of her sheathed sword with a white-knuckled grip.  The daughter of a nobleman, she was too inexperienced to be on a mission in the Tower District.
Frath put a finger to his lips.
Kally nodded, her short, curly blonde hair bobbing around her pretty face.  Anticipation beat out fear in her hazel eyes.
Behind her in the alley were four of Frath’s best friends and the only ones who would take the risk of endangering their careers to rescue Kally’s brother.  In fact, they relished breaking the rules.  The entire group wore the brown tunic of the Dralin City Guard over polished chainmail and black pants.
Bobbell was short and thin-faced with blonde hair and a trimmed goatee.  He and Frath had grown up in the cruel orphanages of Dralin.  He was also a better thief and pickpocket than most people they arrested.
Grinkin, Florsy and Clutz had become quick friends with Frath when he joined the Guard.  They always fought dirty and used words that made hardened sergeants blush.  Florsy was the tallest of the group and skinny, although his ropey muscles held surprising strength.  He winked.
Clutz, the quiet one of the group, trimmed his fingernails with a throwing knife.  People immediately underestimated him because of his name.  He was a master of traveling over the tightly packed rooftops of Dralin.
Grinkin was stout and bald with a white mustache.  His unusually high-pitched voice didn’t match anything else about him.  A grin of excitement lit his face and he spun his sword in readiness.
The sound of knocking echoed through the street.
Frath looked around the corner again.
The hooded man stood at the doorway where Kally’s brother was supposed to be imprisoned.  The door opened.  With a last glance at the street, the man entered.
Frath drummed fingers on the hilt of his sheathed sword while turning back to look at Lieutenant Nevala.  “You’re sure your brother’s in there?”
“Yes.”  Kally stood straight.  “I’ll tell you my informant works for the Guard’s secret service, but that’s it.  She risked her life to find out this much.”
Grinkin grumbled.  “Just because you joined the secret service doesn’t mean you can trust everyone else in it.”
“I trust them less.”  Florsy nudged Grinkin with his elbow.  “Could be a trick.”
Frath blew hair out of his eyes.  “A guy just went in there with another boy over his shoulder.  I think we’re in the right place.”
Kally put a hand to her mouth to hide the involuntary gasp that came out.
“If the wizard got another boy, then Kally’s brother is probably mpphh . . .”
Clutz put his hand over Florsy’s mouth to prevent him from finishing the sentence.
Tears welled in Kally’s eyes.
Frath put a hand on her shoulder.  “Listen, it’s true that your brother’s likely dead, but we’re going to go in to at least save his body.”
Tears rolled down Kally’s cheeks.
Grinkin smacked Frath’s arm.
“Sorry.  That came out wrong.”  Frath ran fingers through his unruly black hair.  “Everything will be fine.  We can do this.”
Grinkin grunted.  “That’s better.  What’s the plan here?  You said you would have one by the time we reached the tower.  We’re here.”
“Yeah.  I’ve got it.”
They leaned in to listen.
“Bobbell will pick the lock.  We’ll work our way upstairs to the wizard’s workroom.  Those are always at the top.”
Clutz frowned.  “Some wizards have their workrooms in the basement.”
“They do?”
“Yeah.”  His eyes narrowed.
“Well . . . we’ll try the top first.  If it’s not there, then we’ll go to the basement.”
Florsy snorted.  “Brilliant strategy.”
Bobbell winked.  “Better than he usually comes up with.”
Frath tried to smack his shoulder, but the rogue was too fast.
“Can we even succeed?”  Concern was thick in Kally’s voice.
“Of course.”  Frath nodded.  “There will be wards and other traps.  If we get past those, there’ll be bodyguards.  If we get past those, every wizard has supernatural guardians, so we’ll have to face those.  We may have to face apprentices if he has any.  The wizard will be the worst.  Our uniforms protect us from some magic, but the spells he casts will shred those . . .”  He scratched his chin.  “Where was I going? . . .”
Florsy pointed at Frath and asked Bobbell, “Is he always like this?”
Bobbell chuckled.  “Yeah, his pep talks make you think stabbing yourself might be the easier way to go.”
“Sheela would agree with you,” Frath admitted.
“When are you and Sheela getting married?” Clutz asked.  “I know you have a child coming soon.”
“I’ll marry her as soon as I can afford a place outside the barracks.”  A rare smile came to Frath’s lips at the thought of his betrothed.
A rat with eyes tainted green from magical pollution tried to join the group.  Clutz kicked it away.  “You two have a baby due soon.  You shouldn’t be risking yourself on something as foolish as this, Frath.”
“Please.”  Desperation filled Kally’s voice.  “My brother . . .”
“We’re going to rescue him.”  Frath stepped out into the street before anyone else could speak.  He hoped the others would follow.
Kally was immediately next to him.  They reached the steps to the tower in moments.
Bobbell slipped ahead to check the door.  He moved his hands and whispered in a mystical language.  A breeze affecting only him rustled his hair.  He made a sharp gesture.
Colorful runes hovering over the face of the door came into view.
Bobbell swirled his arms and continued his incantation.  The runes fizzled and then popped out of existence.
“Are we allowed to do that kind of magic?” Kally whispered.
Florsy nudged her arm with an elbow.  “Sure.  Just like we’re supposed to be breaking into a wizard’s tower in the middle of the night.”
Frath took a deep breath.  “You’ll need to forget about rules tonight, Kally.”
Kally set her jaw and readied herself.  “Yes.  You’re right.”
Bobbell took a pouch out of a secret pocket and knelt near the lock.  “I’m glad you’re all making so much noise.  It helps test my focus.”
Florsy nudged him.  “You’re welcome.”
Bobbell glared at him while taking picks out of the pouch.  He inserted three of them in the door.
Grinkin looked over Bobbell’s shoulder.  “How long will it take you?”
The lock clicked.  Bobbell grinned at him and put the picks away.
Clutz gave a low whistle.  “Impressive.”
Bobbell tried the door.  It opened a crack before chains stopped it.  He did a quick inspection.  “Three?  That’s a bit much.”  He pulled out a roll of twine.  “This is going to take time.”
“Put that away.”  Frath pulled him back.  He spotted where each chain was.  “Get ready for a fight.”  He gripped the railing for leverage.  Taking aim, he kicked the door where the lowest chain was.  The snap of the chain and the splintering of wood shattered the silence of the quiet street.
Bobbell winked at Kally.  “This is how most of his plans evolve.  Between his height and his strength, he usually ends up bashing anything that gets in his way.”
Clouds floated back in front of the moons.  Drizzle pattered the street and freshened the air.
The next kick shattered the middle chain and weakened the top.  Frath rammed the door with his shoulder, finishing the last chain off.
Standing in the middle of a room filled with dusty books and dustier furniture was a young woman in a robe.  A supernatural casting wind whipped her hair and robes.
“Spell!”  Frath jumped to the side and hit the ground in a roll.
Colorful language came from his friends outside.  One of the men yanked the door shut, trapping Frath in the room.
The woman thrust her arms forward.  The casting wind slammed into her back, skidding her feet forward on the carpet.  Shards of ice shot from her fingertips.
The first shards hit the door.
She followed Frath’s motion, sending the shards in a fan.
Frath jumped up out of his roll and ran to escape them.
Pain shot through his thigh as two pierced his leg, knocking him off balance and sending him to the floor.  The enchantments in his guard-issued pants prevented the shards from going far, but it was still agonizing.
The door crashed open.  His friends came through.
Clutz threw a knife.
Her spell finished and danger near, the woman drew a wand.
Clutz’s knife hit her in the chest.
Enchantments in her robe flared, protecting her from harm.
They didn’t protect her from Grinkin coming in high and Florsy coming in low.  Enchantments flared, but the magical swords provided by the guard cut through them, ending the woman’s life.
Kally ran to Frath and helped him up.  “How bad is it?”
Frath tested his leg.  Looking down, he saw blood seeping through the holes in the pants.  “It’s not serious.  I’ll be in more pain after explaining how it happened to Sergeant Gorman.”  He grabbed a cloth off a side table and tore it in half.
Bobbell snatched a small magical orb off a bookshelf.  “I can get you a new pair of pants from a pretty little requisition clerk, no paperwork required.”
Kally’s brow furrowed.  “How will you do that?”
“By dropping mine.”  Bobbell winked and slid the orb into a pocket.
Kally gasped.  “That’s . . .”  Her mouth closed.  “Did you just steal that orb?”
“Nope.  That would be unethical.”  He pointed at the stairs.  “I believe your brother’s that way?”
“Yes but . . .”
Grinkin guided her toward the stairs.  “You can file a report in the morning.  I’m certain your commanding officer will be more interested in a filched orb than what we were doing here in the first place.”
“It’s just . . .”
“Do you even know how to use that sword?”
“Of course.”
“Good.  Charge up the stairs and stab anything that gets in the way.”  Grinkin gave her a shove up the first few steps.
She looked back at him in shock.
“You’re the ranking officer here.  We’re on a mission to rescue your brother.  Lead the way.”
She looked at Frath for confirmation.
Frath finished his makeshift bandaging and drew his sword.  “Right behind you.”
Kally hefted her sword and took a deep breath.  She ran up the stairs two at a time.
Grinkin, Florsy and Clutz ran after her.
Frath popped his neck each way and tried to contain the anger rising in his chest.  It was rare that anyone hurt him and he didn’t like it.
“You still with me, Frath?”  Bobbell stared up at him with worry in his eyes.
“Yeah.”
“It looks like you’re starting to . . .”
“I’ve got it under control for now.”  Red tinted the edges of his vision.
“Does anyone in the guard know about? . . .”
“No.”
Sounds of fighting came from upstairs.
“Let’s go.”  Frath jogged to the staircase.  He took them three at a time.
When they reached the next level, Kally was in the process of trying to pull her sword out of a bodyguard.  “Let go!”  She had her foot against the man’s chest and was tugging with all her strength.
The hapless stared in uncomprehending shock at the blade stuck in his body.  His own sword was on the ground and his arms were at his sides, too weak to fight.
 Two other bodyguards and a wizard lay on the ground near Grinkin’s crew.  Florsy looked up at the newcomers.  He nudged Clutz.  “Didn’t he say he was right behind us?”
Kally’s sword finally came free from the ribs.  She fell on her behind, her bloody blade clattering beside her.
The bodyguard lurched forward and fell on top of her.  The air that burst from his mouth was his last.
“Get off!”  Kally shoved him aside and backpedaled to escape.
“Do you think the wizard knows we’re coming?” Grinkin asked nobody in particular.
 “Nah.  We’ve been quite as sleeping mice.”  Bobbell jogged to the next flight of stairs and looked up them.  “Something doesn’t look quite right about these.”  He squatted at the bottom and ran his fingers lightly over the step.  “Keep an eye out for danger while I inspect these.”
Clutz drew a knife in each hand and positioned himself behind Bobbell.
Frath clenched and unclenched his fist around the hilt of his sword while resisting the urge to jump over the Bobbell and rush up the stairs.
Grinkin helped Kally to her feet.  “Slide the blade in parallel to the ribs rather than vertical.  It’s less likely to get stuck that way if your aim is good enough.”
“Yeah.”  Kally wiped spatters of the dead man’s blood off her face before retrieving her sword.  “That’s a lot harder in reality than on the training field.”
Grinkin squeezed her arm.  “First kill?”
“No, but . . .”  Kally shook her head.  “I’m ready to go.”
Bobbell made a sharp motion with his knife in between the steps.  “That should disable it.”  He jammed the knife in again, got to his feet and slammed his heel into the pommel of the knife, driving it all the way in.  “And that should prevent the mechanism from slipping on accident.”  He stood aside and gestured for them to pass.
Kally took a step forward, but Frath stopped her.  “I’ll go first now.”
“But it’s . . .”
Frath couldn’t contain his growl.  “It’s best I go first now.”
She backed away, her eyes wide.
“Frath . . .”  Bobbell held up a hand.
“I’m fine.”  Frath loped to the stairs before racing up them and charging into a circular room filled with odd items of magical construction on tables and shelves.  Odors of metal, wood and magical energy tickled Frath’s heightened senses.
A pair of wicked venom hounds stood guard at the bottom of the next set of stairs.  Fangs jutting from grotesquely shaped mouths held channels to venom that weakened anyone they bit.  Even their breath was toxic.
A bestial roar shattered the silence of the room, only it was from Frath’s throat, rather than those of the hounds.  His momentum  propelled him to them in an instant.
The hound on the right maneuvered to flank Frath.  The one in front hunched down, ready to leap.
Frath swung his sword in a diagonal downward arc as the hound in front jumped.  His blade cut through the head and shoulders, slicing through bone.  The impact carried the hound’s body up around as Frath spun.
The hound on the side snarled and leapt for Frath’s exposed flank.
Frath’s spin was as a tornado.  He brought his sword around with the first hound stuck to it.  In his enraged state, the hundred-pound body was like a feather to him.  He slammed the two hounds together and drove them into the floor.
His blade finished its journey through the first body and cut through the second in a mortal wound.
Kally’s voice came from behind him.  “By the gods . . .”
Frath yanked his blade out of the dead hounds, sending chunks of flesh and coarse hair flying.  He turned to the stairs, ready for the next level.
Bobbell rushed past.  “Let me check the stairs.”
Frath waited, chest heaving, not from exertion, but from battle rage flooding his marrow.  It amplified his strength and speed, but reduced his ability to think clearly.  Bobbell knew Frath had the rare condition and kept it hidden.  Most people with the condition died in battle at an early age or were put to death after they committed a killing rampage.
Kally touched his arm with tentative fingers.
A growl rumbled in his throat.  He needed to battle.
She withdrew the fingers.
Bobbell jumped up.  “It’s clear.  I think we’re near the top.  Expect to be hit with spells.”
Frath grabbed an orb of unknown effect and sprang up the stairs.  Bobbell’s warning was not lost on him.  Halfway up, threw the orb into the room above.
Arcs of lightning sprayed the air and thunder shook the beams above.  The lightning hit the orb causing greenish-blue cracks to appear over its surface.  It sailed into the room beyond Frath’s sight.
The briefest moment of silence made Frath halt despite his battle rage.
A shockwave of blinding light and thunderous sound shook the tower and made everyone’s heart stop a beat.  Debris fell from the ceiling, pelting their heads.
Frath shook off the debris and ringing in his ears.  In a few long steps, he reached the top of the stairs and scanned for his first target.
A wizard sat on the ground with blood trickling from his mouth and nose.  A dazed expression clouded his eyes and debris cluttered his beard.  A wizard’s staff with a blue crystal lay on the ground nearby.
The man and boy Frath had seen previously lay unconscious on the floor against the far end of the room.  With his heightened senses, he noticed they were both breathing.
In cages nearby were two other unconscious boys.
But the thing that caught his attention the most was an eight-foot golem made of wood with patches of what appeared to be rune-carved human flesh covering it.  Its eyes and mouth glowed with dark, unnatural light.  It banged its head with a clumsy fist to shake off effects of the explosion.  Burn marks charred its chest.
Frath decided it was the thing most likely to give him a fight worthy of his fury.  He bellowed at the creature.
The creature stopped hitting itself.  It saw Frath and bellowed back.
The ringing in his ears prevented Frath from hearing either bellow.  He attacked.
The golem counterattacked, swinging its fist.
Frath met the fist with a two-handed blow of his sword.  The impact shattered the golem’s fist.
The golem continued the swing, hitting Frath’s nose with splintered wood.
Frath’s nose had already been broken more than once and the fact that it was broken yet again sent him the rest of the way into his battle rage.  Liquid red tinted all his vision.  Rather than making it dim, it sharpened details.
The golem swung its other fist.
Frath met it with a ferocious backswing.  He had the sense to duck at the same time to prevent more damage to his crooked nose.  The blow shattered the golem’s arm and wrenched Frath’s shoulders.  He hopped to the side to keep his balance.
The wizard picked up his staff and struggled to his feet.
Kally arrived at that point to hit him with her sword.
Enchantments in his robe turned the blade aside.  Runes in the robe and in Kally’s sword flared.  He staggered backward and swung his staff at her.
Upon impact, it released energy that shot Kally through the air to slam into the golem’s side.
The golem stumbled while Kally crumpled to the ground.
Two of Clutz’s knives hit the wizard, causing his robe to flash in protection.
The wizard held his staff at the defensive.
Grinkin charged in to strike the staff with an upswing.  A burst of energy knocked the sword back, but the guardsman was ready for it.  He spun and came back around behind the wizard with a second blow.
Florsy hit the wizard from the front at the same time.  Runes in the swords flared.  The combinations of attacks took their toll on the wizard’s robes, weakening it enough that both blades made shallow cuts through to the skin.
Desperation filled the wizard’s eyes.  He backed away, swinging his staff.
Frath renewed his effort against the golem.  He slashed at its torso, cutting into flesh and wood.
The golem swung its damaged arms as if they were twigs swaying in a gale.
Frath dodged every swing.  He was faster than anyone his size had a right to be and with his heightened senses, it was difficult to harm him.
The golem charged forward in an attempt to slam its opponent to the ground.
Frath sidestepped and ducked behind the charge.  He brought his sword around against the golem’s back, knocking it to the floor.  He jumped on the golem’s back and hacked at it as though he were chopping kindling for a fire.
Grinkin, Florsy hacked at the wizard while Clutz and Bobbell darted in with quick stabs.
Kally regained consciousness and abruptly lurched to her feet before falling sideways and landing awkwardly.  She maneuvered to her hands and knees while trying to make sense of the battle.
The wizard had a dozen cuts through his spent robe.  His last desperate swing of the staff missed everyone.
Four swords pierced him with mortal wounds.  The men withdrew them at the same time, leaving him to collapse with a gurgling sigh.
The golem kicked and struggled to get up, but was ineffective without arms.
Frath continued hacking even after it stopped moving.
Grinkin took a step toward him.  “Hey Frath, it’s dead.”
Bobbell stopped him.  “It’s best to let him stop on his own.”
Kally crawled toward the cages.  “Tiyler.  Tiyler, is that you?”  She reached one of the cages and jerked on the door.  “It’s locked.”  She shook the bars.  “It’s locked.”
Bobbell ran over, pulling his picks out at the same time.  “I’ll get it.”
Clutz headed to a desk with an open book and papers scattered over it.  “I’ll try to find a key.”
Florsy removed a bejeweled necklace from the wizard’s neck.  “I’ll start grabbing valuables.  That’ll make it look like thieves did this.”
Despite her desperation, Kally gasped in shock.  “We’re members of the guard.  We can’t steal things!”
Grinkin grabbed wands from their rack on a table near the stairs.  “We’ll give most of it to charity, lass.  That way it’s not really stealing.”
“Most of it? . . .”
Frath continued chopping the golem, though it was hard to tell it had once had a shape by that point.
Bobbell conquered the lock and opened the cage.
Kally forgot her indignation as she scrambled in to recover her brother.  “Tiyler!  Tiyler, wake up.  Please wake up.”
The boy moaned and lifted his head.
“Thank the gods.”  Kally clutched him to her chest and rocked.
“Do you think Frath is going to continue until he has sawdust,” Florsy asked no one in particular.
Bobbell had the second cage unlocked in an instant.  “If that’s what he needs, let him.”  He went in to check on the other boy.
Clutz abandoned his search for the key and went over to the unconscious man and boy.  He leaned over the man and did a quick inspection before checking the boy and lifting him into his arms.
Frath stopped chopping.  The red left his vision.  He twisted his neck each way to pop it.  “Are we finished?”  He wiped off his blade and scanned the room.
Bobbell came out of the cage with the boy over his shoulder.  “Yeah.  Let’s get out of here.  Kally has her brother and we can take these other two to the Temple of Turqua.”
“Who is Turqua again?”  Florsy shoved some valuables into a backpack he found.  “I can’t keep up with all the temples in this city.”
Kally held carried her brother out of his cage.  “The Goddess Turqua can’t bear children, so she nurtures those without homes.  Can someone sheath my sword for me?”
Grinkin picked it up off the floor and cleaned it off as she had asked.  “I wish more women would ask me that.”  He winked playfully.
Kally smirked.  “I’m sure you do.”  She looked around once more.  “Oh, what should we do about the man who brought that boy in?”
“Took care of it.”  Clutz headed to the stairs.  “Let’s go.”
“You killed him?”  Despair cracked Kally’s voice as she noticed the pool of blood spreading under the body.
Frath put his arm around her shoulders and guided her out of the room.  “There are countless men in Dralin who steal children.  The city won’t miss that one.”
Kally choked back tears as she let the men lead her down the stairs and out of the tower into the night.  Rain fell on their heads as they made their way to the temple, hiding any that might have escaped.

***

Frath sat on the bench outside the temple with his arms resting on his legs and his head hung.  The others were inside seeing to the safety of the boys.  If they had parents, the temple would reunite them.  If not, they would try to find them homes outside of Dralin.
His nose throbbed and the cuts in his leg itched.  He had a couple of bruises in random places he didn’t remember getting.  Sergeant Gorman, who was in charge of Frath’s squad, would grill him when Frath got back.  He could hide the bruises and the cuts in his leg, but not the broken nose. 
Kally was the first to come out with her brother clinging to her side.  In a flash, she was at his side.  “Frath, drink this.  Quickly now.”  She clasped his jaw and held a vial to his lips while tipping his head back.
Frath grabbed her wrist, surprised by the abrupt action, but didn’t fight her.  Cool syrup flowed down his throat, tickling it with mystical energy.  As soon as it hit his stomach, the throbbing in his nose stopped and all bodily pains left.
“There.  Now you don’t need to worry about getting into trouble.”  Kally tapped the last of the syrup into his mouth and took the vial away.  She took a closer look at his face.  “Your nose is still crooked.”
“You . . .”  Frath stared at her with eyes wide.  “Healing potions cost . . .”
She stoppered the vial and tucked it into a belt pouch.  “My father will pay the cost.  It’s a small dose made by an acolyte rather than a full bottle by a priest.  There’s a chance you may grow an extra ear.”  She winked.
“They wouldn’t have sold it if it was bad.  Even that much is a fortune.  If you wanted me healed, a priest, or even an acolyte could have laid their hands on me for a fraction of the cost.  Why . . .”
Kally chewed on her lip, took a breath to answer, and then paused before saying, “To reduce the chance of discovery of course.  Healing drains energy and would have put you out of commission for days.  With a potion, it’s as though nothing happened.”
“Yeah.  I don’t hurt anymore.”  He stretched and tested his muscles.  “I’m a little tired and hungry though.”
“Like I said, it was made by an acolyte, so you’ll still feel some of the adverse effects.”
The others came out at that point.  “The boys are safe.”  Bobbell gestured for Frath to get up.  “We’re going to be late for roll call, Frath.  Let’s go.”
“We need to escort Kally’s brother back to his father’s estate.  Kally’s capable, but Dralin isn’t safe for a lone woman and boy.”
“You two get back to the barracks.”  Grinkin put a protective hand on Kally’s shoulder.  “We’ll ensure they get home safely.”
Florsy nudged Clutz in the ribs with an elbow.  “Yeah.  The only thing that would make our sergeant suspicious is if we showed up on time.”
Clutz rubbed his rib and chuckled.  “True enough.  Go on Frath.”
“Thanks guys.  I appreciate it.”

They exchanged farewells.  Frath and Bobbell used a few coins confiscated from the wizard’s tower to hire a taxi cart back to the barracks.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Pelya Chapter 1 - final edits.

In september, I posted the first chapter of Pelya.  You can find it here:  http://ryallon.blogspot.com/2012/09/pelya-chapter-1.html

However, that was after I had edited it once.  I set my books aside for two months.  During that time, I let beta readers go through it.  Then I pick it up and go through it with a fine tooth comb.  I add stuff and take away stuff.  The story basically stays the same, but the quality is better, sometimes drastically.  I'm posting the finalized version of chapter 1 here.

You can read both to see the difference, if you're interested. :)


Chapter 1

“Well Sornin, I’m beginning to think that everyone in Dralin has decided to become honest today.”  Pelya grinned as she leaned against a lamppost on the sidewalk.  Activity bustled along the street and a breeze lazily carried the sounds of the city through the air.

Sornin responded with a snort.  Brown hair framed his narrow face and he always wore a severe expression.  Pelya trusted him implicitly though, especially since he had protected her back more than once, as she had his.  “You shouldn’t ask for trouble, Pelya.  Our shift’s only half done.  There’ll be plenty to go around at some point or another.”  He straightened the collar of a polished chain shirt that peeked out from underneath the standard-issue black and brown tunic of the Dralin City Guard.  “And thinking that everyone stopped committing crimes is pure fantasy.”

Their squad was patrolling the Orange Sash District, named after orange sashes worn by perfume-laden prostitutes to mark their profession.  Garishly painted bordellos lined the street and women called out from windows to potential clients below.  At the moment, they were in the center of the district where the clientele tended towards middle-class workers.  Ornate mansions catered to rich customers in the northern section of the district while run-down parlor houses were in the south.

Scantily clad male and female prostitutes on the street encouraged potential customers to enter the bordellos.  Most were respectful to the Guardmembers who kept them safe, or as safe as it was possible to keep anyone in the most dangerous city on the world of Ryallon.

Pelya stood straight and tugged on her black braid.  “Come now Sornin, we’re in for a long, evening, so it wouldn’t hurt to let a smile crack those lips of yours.”

He gave her a slight smile, more than most people received.

Pelya’s sapphire-blue eyes sparkled in the late afternoon sun as checked everyone’s positions.  There were six people in her unit, loosely organized, ready for battle if needed.  They walked the cobbled street without a specific formation to be less predictable.  A month earlier, on her nineteenth birthday, Pelya had become unit leader.  Sornin was her unit-buddy and second in charge.  The other three units in their squad were within hearing distance of the whistle around her neck, which made a piercing signal that carried over the sounds of the busy streets.

Pelya had spent her entire life in Dralin, raised by her father in the barracks of the City Guard.  She had taken to the sword as soon as she could lift it and was currently the youngest swordmaster in the Guard.  It was what she had striven for, but recently she had come to regret that decision.

Everywhere Pelya looked, people suffered.  Dralin had more crime than anywhere else in the world from what she had been told.  Patrolling the streets had made her believe it.  She couldn’t count how many murders she had helped investigate in the last year and that number didn’t compare to kidnappings and disappearances.

She looked around at the lurid buildings.  What couldn’t be seen from the street was the corruption that resulted in innocent young women being conscripted by criminal predators.  There were more gangs in Dralin than the City Guard could handle.  The best that could be done was to hold crime at bay so that it didn’t completely overrun the citizens.  It wasn’t enough for Pelya, but she didn’t know how to do more.

A group of men shouting nearby broke her out of her reverie.  They were exchanging bawdry comments with a group of prostitutes on a balcony.  There was nothing that needed to be done.  Thus far, the shift had started more peacefully than any she could remember.

The weather was pleasant with the heat of summer gone.  Rainfall the day before had washed much of the normal pollution into the gutters, leaving the smog lighter than usual.  Fall colors covered the trees and the threat of winter was still far away.  Pelya looked up at the puffy clouds in the sky and stretched.

“Does your father know Captain Fallamer has you stationed in the Orange Sash?” Yobi, a veteran Guardsman, asked. 

“Yes.  He’s mad about it too.  But he needs to understand that he can’t protect me from doing my job.”  Pelya remembered the yelling match they had about it the week before.

Yobi shook his head in amazement.  “I wouldn’t want to cross him.  I like working for Captain Fallamer, but she’s crazy for giving you this assignment.”

Joll, his unit-buddy, smacked Yobi on the shoulder with the back of her hand.  “Watch what you say.”  Joll was a short, young woman who was intimidated by Pelya’s six-foot frame.

“Daddy unnerves most people, although it is a bad idea to cross him.”  Pelya winked, more than happy to protect her father’s reputation.  She didn’t like Joll much; the woman wouldn’t look her in the eye.

A muffled scream seized their attention.  Joll pointed down a side street.  “A woman, taken into the alley by a group of thugs!”  Before she finished speaking, they all had their swords drawn and ready.  Not far down the street was a carriage with a broken wheel.  The driver who was checking the wheel saw them coming and took off in the other direction.

Pelya shouted orders as they dashed toward the alley.  “Leave him.  Watch for surprises!  Protect each other!”  Pelya gave her whistle two sharp tweets and a long one to let the other units in the squad know that they were investigating trouble.

Curious bystanders scurried out of the way.  The Dralin City Guard had a system for pursuit and the speed with which the well-trained warriors moved was remarkable.

A sharp turn into the trash-littered alley revealed the kidnappers dragging the struggling woman through the back door of a smog-blackened building.  The door slammed shut behind them.

Pelya led the rush forward.  When they reached the grimy door, two of her unit stepped to either side and prepared for entrance.  Sornin tossed a runeball that would detect if there were wards on the door.  It floated in front of the doorway for a moment, shining with a greenish light as it spun and did its magic.  All was clear.

Sornin retrieved the ball just as Pelya blew two long tweets on her whistle followed by a short one to indicate to the rest of the squad that her unit was entering a building.  She shattered the old door with a kick of her muscular leg.

Pelya let her eyes grow accustomed to the gloom as she moved inside a short hall with chipped paint on the worn walls.  She headed toward a door at the end, forgoing the two on the sides.  Sornin, entering behind her, signaled for the others to be ready for battle.  They advanced in staggered formation.

Sornin tossed the runeball at the door.  It flashed with red light as it drew in magical energy before disintegrating.  Detecting and disarming the ward had used up its enchantment.

Sornin and Pelya exchanged worried glances.  Red light indicated an alarm ward.  Even though it was disarmed, anyone inside would know someone was at the door.  Pelya felt uneasy about walking into a certain ambush, but the circumstances required instant action.

With another well-placed kick, she broke down the door.  Sornin dashed in with Pelya right behind.  They moved to either side of the doorway leaving a path for the rest of the unit to enter.

Ten fighters waited for them in the surprisingly large room.  The sight of expensive furnishings made it clear to Pelya that this was a place for criminal operations.  In contrast to the hallway outside, the walls had fresh paint, tapestries and expensive carpets.

A blonde man standing behind a desk glared at the intruders as though they were flies on his dinner.  He wore a fancy purple shirt, black pants and a fine sword at the hip.  Two men next to the desk held the kidnapped woman.

Sornin yelled, “Dralin City Guard!  Put down your weapons!”

The fighters lifted their swords higher and crouched, ready for battle.  Pelya realized they would fight, an undesirable outcome.  “No one needs to get hurt!  We just have questions.”  Joll and Yobi came through the door and moved forward, making space for the last two in the unit.

A woman in yellow robes moved her hands in precise motions while a supernatural wind whipped her hair around her face.

Pelya and Sornin realized why the fighters were holding back.  “Magic!” they both shouted.  In unison, Pelya’s unit cast fast protective spells, taught as standard training in the Guard.  It would complement protections already built into their uniforms.  They were just in time, saving them from the effects of the woman’s spell.

Pelya drew and threw a knife made to pierce magical defenses.  The wizardess had already begun another spell and wasn’t able to dodge the flying blade as it pierced her throat.  The gathered energy burst and sent her lifeless body flying against the wall.

Five, Pelya thought to herself.  That was how many people she had killed in her life, a number she hated.  She blew two sharp bursts on her whistle, the signal that they were engaging in battle.  Pelya prayed the sound would reach the rest of the squad outside.

The battle began.  Their foes were not amateurs, but few people were good enough to match a member of Dralin’s Guard.  Pelya had two men to deal with immediately.  Her sword darted through the air faster than her opponents could parry.  One fell.  Six, a number she hated more than five.

She stalled the other man with rapid parries.  Joll was down and would never get up again.  The rest were hard pressed.  Two more foes engaged Pelya.  She finished off the one she had stalled, seven, and focused on the next.  A quick move here and another there, the two were wounded.

Pelya reevaluated the unit’s situation and realized another of her unit was down.  As she killed another attacker, eight, Albin, a third member of her unit also fell.  Sornin and Yobi stood with her against the three hardened fighters that remained, their friends lying dead next to the fallen Guardmembers.

The blonde man moved forward, Albin’s blood dripping from his blade.  Ruthless brown eyes took measure of the intruders.  His nostrils flared as he closed the distance.

It was against policy for every member of a unit to die.  At least one of them had return to the squad and report the incident.  “Report, Yobi! Now!”  Pelya yelled.

Yobi took the order and went through the doorway, but three fighters waiting in the hall blocked him.  Sornin hastened to help clear the escape route.  Pelya stood in the doorway and protected their retreat.
 
The stranger with the hard eyes was in front of Pelya.  His sword clashed against hers.  Sparks of light and color flashed, showing that both blades contained magic.  He was a swordmaster and his enchanted blade effortlessly met every stroke of hers.

Her thrusts and parries became more desperate with each blow.  She tumbled to the side, coming up for better position.  One of the other fighters attempted to take advantage of the move.  A fast dodge put her behind the man.  She pushed him forward.  Without blinking, the swordmaster ran the man through and shoved him to the ground.

The swordmaster’s blade met hers again with a supernatural speed.  Closer and closer it came, as though the blade itself wished to drink of her blood.  He focused on Pelya with intensity, never giving her an opening.  There was power and experience in his arm.  He had spent more time wielding a sword than she.
 
Pelya sensed movement behind her.  She nimbly rolled out of danger.  A wicked thrust missed her back.  Pelya sprang from the roll just in time to see the mysterious swordmaster kill the treacherous fighter for interfering in his battle.

There is a moment after a person kills someone when they pause to take in the shock of it.  The hardest killer may have it down to an instant, but it is there.

Pelya struck in that moment, a quick thrust, tight and deadly.  It missed.  Anyone else would have died.
 
Pain stung Pelya’s cheek as she jerked her head back and tumbled away.  The swordmaster’s blade was sharp.  Pelya ignored the blood flowing down the side of her face and attacked.  The swordmaster smiled cruelly as he parried the blows.

The next slash cut her thigh.  Another cut the back of her hand as she tumbled and failed to take out his hamstring with a spinning swing.

He was too fast.  His blade bit into her forehead when her sword moved too slowly to counter.  Blood flowed past her eyes, impairing her vision.

Pelya’s back grew warm.  Time slowed.

Her blade met the man’s sword and darted forward to slash his chin.

The swordmaster was surprised, but he parried her next blow.  He was more surprised when another cut through his shirt to the skin of his chest.

Time slowed even more as their blades clashed repeatedly, neither gaining the advantage.  The warmth on Pelya’s back increased, spreading into her bones.  Shadows watched intently.

They separated.  The swordmaster rolled toward the desk while Pelya rolled toward the door.  For an instant, the opponents stared with the intensity of suns, memorizing every detail about each other.

The swordmaster dashed through a secret door held open by one of his fighters.  It closed behind them.
 
Pelya took a step forward before realizing that more Guardmembers were now in the room and that the remaining fighters had been subdued.  The kidnapped woman was crying into the shoulder of a Guard.
 
“Pelya!” Sornin said.  “Pelya!”

Everything was surreal as she turned to face him.  Normalcy came rushing in, causing her to stagger.  The heat on her back and in her bones lessened.  The shadows slipped into themselves.
 
Squad Sergeant Herman Melvor appeared next to her and grabbed her arm in concern.  “Pelya.  Are you alright?  You’re bleed . . . By the Gods . . . Your cuts are disappearing!  What healing magic is that?”
 
Pelya’s jaw clenched shut.  The dragon mark on her back prevented her from speaking.  It had slowed time and improved her reflexes during the battle.  Now it healed her wounds, but it also prevented her from talking about it.  She and her friend Ebudae had received the marks at the age of eleven after saving the child of a dragon.  Most of the time she didn’t even remember it was there, so insidious was the geas that prevented her from revealing its presence.
 
Squad Corporal Jecks touched fingers to Pelya’s sword in a calming motion.  “I’ve never seen anyone move so fast, you or him.”  Concern lit his grey eyes and filled his thick voice.  His uniform was immaculate as always.  He did everything by the book.
 
Pelya wiped and sheathed her sword.  She still couldn’t respond.  Sornin put a supportive hand on her shoulder while Yobi stood behind her protectively.
 
One of the squad wizards was trying to figure out the secret door while the other helped the squad healer look after the fallen Guardmembers.  Pelya realized that Sornin and Yobi were the only ones who survived.
 
Squad Sergeant Melvor was average height with brown hair, unremarkable in most ways, which made him dangerous because his opponents tended to dismiss or underestimate him.  Added to that, he fought dirty.  He had helped Pelya’s father raise her and she normally called him Uncle Herman.  His brown eyes showed that he wanted to protect her, but he was being professional.  “Report, Unit Leader,”
 
It helped.  Pelya’s jaw unlocked and she relayed the details of the incident.  “The unit heard a woman scream and began pursuit of two men who were dragging that woman into an alley.”  Pelya pointed at the woman who was still sobbing into the shoulder of a Guardsman.  The Guardsman looked at Sergeant Melvor with pleading eyes.

The sergeant ignored the look, leaving the man to suffer.  “Go on, Pelya.  What happened next?”
“We saw them enter this building.”  Pelya paused, still breathing hard from exertion.  “After Sornin checked the door for wards, I broke it down and led my unit into the building.  I whistled . . .”

Sergeant Melvor nodded.  “We heard your whistles.”

“We went through the hallway to this door and discovered an alarm ward on it.  The runeball deactivated it and I kicked in the door.”

“Did you check the side doors in the hallway?” Corporal Jecks asked.

“I didn’t,” Pelya said with a sinking feeling in her stomach.  She remembered the fighters who had come behind them.  “My instincts told me the woman was in this room and that we needed to get to her as fast as possible.”
 
Corporal Jecks nodded.  Pelya couldn’t tell if he approved or disapproved.  He was hard to read.
 
“There were ten armed fighters in the room, a wizard, the two kidnappers, the kidnapped woman and the man I was fighting.”  Pelya stared at the secret door.  The squad wizard still hadn’t figured it out.
 
One of the Guardsmen examining the bodies of the fighters stood and came over.  “A few of these fighters were once soldiers from the Kingdom of Deller.  I recognize tattoos on the base of the neck given to everyone who joins their army.  Theirs have additional marks to indicate that they were discharged dishonorably.”

“Good work, Private Wibben.”  Sergeant Melvor frowned.  “Do you have any idea why ex-soldiers from Deller would be here, Pelya?”
 
“No, Sergeant.  Sornin called for them to put away their weapons and I told them we just wanted to ask questions, but the wizardess cast a spell at us.”  Pelya pointed at the body.  “We warded ourselves, which protected us from the first spell.  I didn’t know if the wards would hold up against another.”
 
“Nice shot,” Corporal Jecks said.  “That’s your knife in her neck, right?”
 
“Yes.  The odds were against us and the wizardess immediately began casting another spell.  I believed it to be the only option.”
 
Corporal Jecks gave a sharp nod of approval.  “Good decision.”  It was the highest praise Pelya had heard him give anyone.
 
“What happened then?” Sergeant Melvor asked.
 
“The fighters attacked us and there was no time to do anything but fight back.  They were skilled.”  She looked at Joll’s body.
 
Private Wibben followed her gaze.  “They were very skilled to take out three Guardspeople.”
 
Pelya leveled her breathing.  “I ordered Yobi to run for help, but three fighters blocked him.  Sornin went to help while I protected their backs.”
 
Sornin said, “Pelya’s the best of us.  I believed she would be able to hold off the rest.”
 
“You made a good decision,” Sergeant Melvor said.  “Getting word to the squad was priority.  And I’d trust Pelya to guard my back any day.”  He smiled at Pelya and squeezed her shoulder.
 
Pelya resisted an urge to hug him.  “That swordmaster attacked me next and all my time was spent battling him.  He killed two of his own men, one to get to me, the other because the fighter tried to kill me.”
 
“He carried himself like a duelist,” Private Wibben said.  “I’ve seen the type.  They’re everywhere in Deller.  Although he was better than any I’ve seen.”
 
“Are you from Deller?”  Jecks asked.
 
Wibben shook his head.  “No.  I’m from Obda to the north of Deller.  Their soldiers make a nuisance of themselves and occasionally come to border towns for drinking and wenching.”  He looked at Pelya.  “I’ve never seen anyone move as fast as either of you.  There was magic involved.”
 
Pelya’s jaw clenched shut again.  She couldn’t talk about the dragon mark.  With a deft switch of thought, she remembered the swordmaster’s weapon.  Her jaw unlocked.  “He had a magical blade, superior to the standard Guard issue.”  She patted the sword at her side.  It wasn’t standard, having been a gift from Gilron Coodmur, the Guard’s weaponmaster, but it looked like one and few knew otherwise.
 
“If it makes him move faster, it’s a powerful enchantment.”  Jecks looked suspiciously at Pelya. 

“How did you move so fast, Pelya?”
 
Her jaw didn’t lock, almost as though the mark trusted her not to reveal its presence.  She rewarded its faith by deflecting the corporal’s question.  “I don’t think his sword was just magical.  I could feel it studying me, testing me.  I think it may have had a name.”
 
The statement drew gasps.  Magical weapons and other items were common, especially in Dralin, but a named item meant it had a soul.  It could think and influence the person that owned it.  They were incredibly powerful, priceless and dangerous.
 
“We need to know who he is and why he wanted this woman kidnapped,” Sergeant Melvor said.
 
The woman had finally gotten ahold of herself and was wiping her eyes with the sleeve of an extravagant dress.  “Because I’m the daughter of Chancellor Divathia.”
 
“Chancellor Divathia of the High Council?” Sergeant Melvor asked in surprise.  He thumped a fist to his chest in salute.  “Milady.”
 
She gathered loose strands of her auburn hair and put them in a makeshift ponytail.  “I did my best to fight them off, but they were too strong.  They killed my personal guards.”  She looked at a rip in the sleeve of her dress.  “Mother’s going to kill me for ruining this dress.”
 
Pelya winked.  “Blame it on the kidnappers and tell your mother they ripped it just to spite her.”
 
Hope lit the woman’s face.  “That might actually work.”  She came over and wrapped Pelya in a hug, nearly suffocating her with the heavy scent of jasmine perfume.  “Thank you for saving my life.  I saw your unit just before they dragged me into the alley.  It took all of my strength to get the hand away from my mouth long enough to scream.”  She stood back and looked up at Pelya.  “I will see to it that you are rewarded.  Mother will want to meet you.”
 
Pelya didn’t like that idea.  The High Council was the ruling body of Dralin and outranked even the Grand Assembly responsible for running the country of Altordan.  The twelve chancellors of the High Council were the most powerful people in the kingdom and it wasn’t wise to attract their attention, good or bad.
 
The woman sighed and shook her head.  “Of course you don’t want to meet her.  Nobody wants anything to do with her or me.  What’s your name, anyway?”
 
“My name is Pelya Jornin.”
 
Surprise crossed the woman’s face.  “I’m Yancy.”  She turned to look at the rest of the room and shuddered.  “Why am I still here?  There are so many dead people.”
 
Pelya looked to Sergeant Melvor, who nodded.  She led Yancy to the alley outside.  Sornin and Yobi followed.
 
“Finish gathering evidence,” Sergeant Melvor ordered Corporal Jecks.  “The messengers I sent should have reached Captain Fallamer.  She’ll be here soon.  I want everything ready to present to her.”  He then followed Pelya and the others into the alley.  “The captain will want to speak to you Lady Divathia.  We’ll arrange to get you home just as soon as possible.”
 
“I want Pelya to escort me.  I saw how good she is with a sword, better than any of my guards.”  Yancy studied Pelya.
 
Sergeant Melvor looked distinctly uncomfortable with the suggestion.  “I don’t have that authority, milady.”
 
A full squad of Guardmembers jogged into the alley, led by a female officer with short, red hair.  Her thin eyebrows furrowed in a frown at seeing Pelya, but she turned to Melvor.  “Report, Sergeant.”
Melvor began rattling off details about the incident.
 
Yancy grabbed Pelya’s arm, dragging her to a nearby wall.  “You’re Pelya Jornin, the Guard Brat, aren’t you?”
 
Pelya suppressed the urge to punch the woman in the face.
 
Yancy gasped and covered her mouth with both hands.  “I’m so sorry!  I didn’t mean it that way.  It’s just that . . . everyone calls you that . . . I mean . . . that’s not what I mean . . .”  She threw her hands up in frustration.  “I’ve messed up again.  I’ll never learn.  Everyone hates me.  I’m so stupid!”
 
Pelya set aside her personal feelings.  “I have no idea whether or not you’re stupid, but I won’t hold it against you if you are.”  She grinned at the look of shock on Yancy’s face.
 
“Oh . . .”  Yancy laughed.  “I like you, and I’m sorry I called you a Guard Brat.”  She paused and put a hand on her chin.  “Mother doesn’t approve of you though.  That’s a problem.”
 
“Yes, well I’m used to people not approving of me,” Pelya said in disgust.  “I don’t care, even if your mother is a member of the High Council.  I don’t care what anyone thinks of me or of my father for raising me in the Guard.”  It was a sore spot with her and to know that her life was discussed even within the High Council was offensive.
 
Yancy folded her hands in front of her and hung her head.  “I’m sorry.”
 
Pelya rubbed her brow.  She was drained now that all the energy from battle was gone.
 
“You’re shaking,” Yancy said.  “Are you hurt?”
 
“No.  I’m just tired and I killed . . .”  Pelya stared back at the doorway, remembering the bodies of the men and the death of her unit mates.
 
“Please don’t talk about it.  I want to be brave, but I . . . I’ve never seen anyone die until now.”  Yancy was pale as a ghost and looked about ready to faint.
 
“Lady Yancy Divathia?”  Captain Fallamer came up beside Pelya.  “I’m giving you a carriage to take you home.  It will be here shortly.  It’s my understanding that you wish Unit Leader Jornin to escort you?”
 
“Yes, Captain,” said Yancy.
 
“Very well, but she must return as soon as you are safely home.  She has a report to make.”
 
“Thank you, Captain.  I’ll see to it.”
 
Captain Fallamer gave Pelya a reassuring pat on the back.  “Come talk to me when you get back to the Guard District.”
 
“Yes, Captain.”  Pelya didn’t feel reassured.

If you are interested in the first two books: